


when the party's over

by teastainedsweaters



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Kinda, M/M, friends to strangers to lovers, jinnie just wants his best friend back :(, seungmin likes cleaning, um yeah hyunjin is baby, yeah u heard that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 16:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18101948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teastainedsweaters/pseuds/teastainedsweaters
Summary: under the strobing lights and hazy memories, hwang hyunjin reminded himself that he didn't need to understand the entire concept of love to know it was right before his eyes.





	when the party's over

**Author's Note:**

> okay listen so i haven't actually written in months and i wanted to make this kinda like an ease back into writing kinda thing but i didn't expect it to be nearly 9K,, but uh enjoy i guess?

hwang hyunjin didn't know much. moreover, he couldn't think straight which caused his "know" to not be much.

hwang hyunjin drank too much. way too much. head spinning with liquid he didn't match names to, vision blurring bodies he couldn't match faces to, the alcohol flowing in his body took over his senses as he swung his hips side to side attempting to find some kind of beat.

one thing hwang hyunjin did know was that numerous pairs of eyes trailing his body, speaking more than what was being spoken, weren't the ones he wanted. his eyes fluttered open to glance around the crowded living room.

cherry red hair and pink plump lips.

his lips immediately curled upwards into a smile, spotting the boy sitting on a chair, drink in hand. the several emotions crawling up his skin and reaching into his mind told him to stop worrying about that guy, he meant nothing to him and never would, but as the alcohol beat the emotions in the race, hyunjin couldn't help but to instinctively inch closer to cherry boy in hopes of a glance back. 

 

 

 

 

entering the class on his first day of middle school, hyunjin couldn't help but feel anxious. he had just moved into the big town, nervously attending a new school halfway through the first year and teared up out of fear of not finding friends. he didn't like being lonely.

trailing into the classroom, hyunjin searched for his seat after noticing the assigned names printed on paper sitting on the small desk. thank god it was a seating plan, hyunjin wouldn't be able to take students possibly not sitting with him. finding the respective desk, he hesitantly slid his arms out of the handles and hung it on the hook attached to his desk. hyunjin sat down with his hands fiddling on the surface, watching as his future classmate's eyes wander at him in curiosity and confusion.

a few minutes passed and more students started filing in, some sitting down at his group and giving him a genuine smile before taking out their books hyunjin didn't own. before he could say anything about it, the teacher's loud voice emitted from the front of the room, grabbing everyone's attention.

introductions, introductions, introductions, hyunjin was tired of them. he's mr. kang, the student's holiday's were fun, hyunjin was new and wasn't from seoul, he liked soccer and video games, and the textbooks for him were coming in tomorrow yadda yadda. get on with it.

what the teacher failed to mention were the missing three seats around him. one to his right in his group, behind him in another group and one to his left in  _another_  group. weird. before he could ponder further, the door burst open, in coming three bodies stumbling through the doorframe.

"nice of you three to join us, where's your late slips?"

"h-hold on m-mr.kang i just- god hold on i need a breath." the first boy raised a hand up in a pause as the other one rested on his knees.

"mr. han do you think i have all the time in the world? you three came to my class late, and you're going to tell  _me_ to wait? not looking good for you right now."

"dear apologies sir, min's fish was frozen and we had to defrost it before it died, i'm sure you could understand, right?" the second boy blurted out, stepping in front of the out-of-breath boy.

"just get to your seats please." the teacher sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, ushering the boys to sit. hyunjin watched as the boys slightly smirk, filling in the seats that were once empty. out-of-breath boy turned to him and gave a big smile.

"i'm jisung! you must be new, right?"

giving a small, shaky smile back, hyunjin nodded. "yeah, it's my first day and i'm still nervous, sorry if i come off weird."

"no problem, i like you already. you have a pretty face!" hyunjin spoke up to thank him, but was immediately interrupted, "oh wow your face is  _really_ pretty. anyways! you should hang out with my friends and i, we're really cool. min maybe not so much, you might like him a lot depending on who you are, but lix is like me! i love my friends. they're so nice."

this boy wouldn't seem to stop rambling making hyunjin nervous, glancing back and forth from him to the teacher, dreading the thought if them being caught not paying attention to the review on the board. nevertheless, hyunjin continued to smile at the talkative boy, slightly sighing in relief as he heard the teacher putting the introduction lesson to an end.

a small giggle echoed from the left of him, making hyunjin tear his eyes off jisung and find who let out the laugh, wondering if it was directed towards him.

at the sight of the boy made hyunjin let out a sharp breath. though he knew he was still young, he's never seen someone so  _captivating_ as much as the boy who he knew had that frozen fish.

"min stop laughing, you're making me feel bad." jisung pouted, interrupting hyunjin from his gaze. 

"i cant help it,"  _min_  chuckled some more, unknowingly enchanting hyunjin by the second, "you're talking your lungs out to this poor kid, he probably doesn't even know what's going on!" (it's true, hyunjin didn't know what was going on, but he liked jisung so he let him talk.)

"so mean, who was the one that helped your blow dry your fish today?"

"it's  _your_ fish too dummy. you'd be a bad owner if you didn't help," he scoffed. hyunjin tilted his head in confusion before the boy caught his glance. "i'm seungmin, nice to meet you!"

with a big smile erupting on his lips, hyunjin eagerly returned the introduction and waved enthusiastically. "hwang hyunjin!" he beamed.

"that's felix behind you, his arm hurts from holding the dryer for too long, so don't be scared if he's rude."

with that, hyunjin found himself and the three boys scooting to the edges of their desks to pass dumb jokes and dangling notes to each other for the whole semester.

 

 

 

 

as hyunjin watched the people slowly file out of the house, he sipped on his eighth cup of water. he peered around him to find his friends scattered among the house. felix passed out on the pool table, head dangling off as his best friend, changbin sleepily tried to place the triangle holder around his head ("it's like jesus!" "bin i don't think jesus had a triangle halo"), woojin and boyfriend stumbling up the stairs, a high schooler, ( _jeongin?_ hyunjin thinks his name is) resting on two kitchen chairs and jisung and his soccer captain, minho, cuddled up  _under_  the coffee table.

hyunjin sighed and finished up his water before standing up and stretching. he stiffly trailed to the kitchen to be met with cherry red hair, hovering and maneuvering around the counter. opening his mouth to say something, nothing fell out, much to his dismay. hyunjin clenched the glass in his hand, shyly passing the boy and delicately placing it in the sink before turning around on his heels and facing him.

hyunjin gulped. before words managed to pass his tongue, he heard a short chuckle.

"need something, hwang?"

hyunjin spluttered at the sound of his voice, dreading the fact that the voice now sounded foreign considering the years without recognition, reluctantly forgetting how his name fell out of the other boy's lips. "i- no, um, just you know- partying."

"the party's over."

"p-post partying."

the boy chuckled softly, picking at a chipped corner on the messy kitchen island. before the conversation unwillingly died, hyunjin spoke up again, "you don't come to parties often, do you? i didn't see you come that often back in high school, even now! um. usually. well, it's not like look for you or anything, i- i don't! but you just hang out with jisung and felix and they come but i don't see you around often and i thought-"

"i don't," seungmin playfully rolled his eyes and propped his elbows on the counter, resting his head in his palms, "parties don't excite me, but sungie wanted me to officially meet his boyfriend so he begged me to come."

"wait the guy he's with under the coffee table? lee minho? they're dating?"

"yeah, weird right? remember back in middle school when jisung told us he'd only date when he turned twenty six? and the fact that he drooled over him back in high school makes it even more ironic."

hyunjin slightly lowered his head at the mention of the past, still chuckling to hide his nerve. with a glance towards the pair, now practically clinging together like there's no tomorrow, hyunjin couldn't hide his smile. he turned back to seungmin and mumbled, "guess he was tired of waiting."

with a curt nod, seungmin went back to cleaning the table, scrubbing down any noticeable stains. 

 

 

 

 

"i made up my mind!"

a loud voice, barely audibly over the  _yays!_ and  _yahoos!_ of the video game, made felix yell out in disappointment. "i swear to god han jisung, you made me lose to  _seungmin_ for the fourth time this week! seungmin! out of all people!"

the said boy swirled his lollipop in his mouth before clicking out if the game. "not my fault you get distracted easily." with a huff and half hearted glares, felix crossed his arms and sulked into the couch.

"anyways, back to the important one here," jisung chattered, immediately standing in front of the tv, "i have made an important decision!"

"you started drinking water?"

"uhh you decided to stop buying minecraft swords?"

"you're gonna quit school and become a stripper!"

jisung scoffed, "no, no and maybe, ("how do you even know what that is?") but not the point!" he cleared his throat and placed his hands on his hips, "i have decided to not fall in love until i'm twenty six!"

the three boys scrunched their eyebrows in confusion before shifting their heads to look at one another. after a beat of silence and two of them counting their fingers, felix coughed. "why twenty six?"

"because i think it's a good number to have someone in your life! don't you think?"

once again, the three boys glanced towards each other before staring back at jisung and shrugging. "do what you wanna do, i'm getting pregnant at sixteen!" ("felix why do you wanna get pregnant  _at sixteen?"_ "hello? i don't even think lix can get pregnant to begin with?")

and back to the video games they went. through the midst of cheering and aspirated signs of defeat, hyunjin couldn't help but to ponder on the lingering topic. he didn't understand love, yet couldn't help but wonder when he'd fall in love. he was only twelve, he had a long way to go, but he wondered if he would ever find love to begin with. how did people know they wanted to be with someone else, like his parents? maybe he didn't want to be in love and was satisfied with the friendship the four boys had. he sighed internally. it was a problem for future hyunjin, not him now.

as if sensing the uncertainty, hyunjin felt a hand clasp in his own. looking over, hyunjin spotted seungmin smiling at the game, controller in one hand, unbothered by the action. before he could poke the younger boy on the shoulder, he heard a screech from the other side of the couch. "YES! I FINALLY BEAT MIN! I KNEW CHOOSING DAISY WAS A GOOD CHOICE. WOMEN'S RIGHTS!"

hyunjin failed to hide his laugh as seungmin uncontrollably started giggling, the grip of hands tightening around each other. maybe love would be hard to find in the future, but for now he was content with the body next to his, curling onto hyunjin as he laughed. 

 

 

 

 

it was silent between them as seungmin finished wiping down the counter. he had stuffed everything to one side so he could clean the majority of the mess slathered on the island. feeling useless, hyunjin hesitated before standing up and stacking the red solo cups laying around. he caught a glimpse of a slightly shocked seungmin before returning to his chore.

the blaring music had been turned down to a soft tune when the party ended, playlist completely different from the ongoing tracks during the rave. as hyunjin neared the stereo to search for stray cups, he recognized the phone hooked up to the speakers, giving away the suspicion he had of who's music was playing.

the large, silver phone carelessly thrown on the table intrigued hyunjin, so he glanced around before slowly creeping up to it, still stacking cups into one another. pressing the home button with his pinky, the screen lit up to show the three smiling faces huddled around the camera, as if they were fighting to get in the frame.

with a longing smile, hyunjin turned away from the phone, slowly closing after not being touched. he continued to handle the last few cups in the room, mood dampened from before.

he sighed loudly before returning to the kitchen, throwing the cups into the recycling and pressing flat objects down to make room.

"thanks," seungmin mumbled from the open fridge, a genuine tinge behind his words. as each second passed, once again, hyunjin felt useless. trying to make use of his hands as quickly as possible, he grabbed the bin and started to make his way to the garage. before he could take another step, seungmin squeaked, "i just-" quickly dying out as soon as it reached hyunjin's ears. before he knew it, he went sliding across the kitchen floor, recycling bin long forgotten when he accidentally dropped it near the sink. reaching his hands out to steady his pace, he tumbled into seungmin, bringing him down with his own flailing body as they crashed onto the tiled floor. "moped the floor." seungmin breathed out, hands cradling hyunjin's head. "are you okay? did you hit your head by any chance?"

hyunjin caught his breath, gulping in confusion before glancing up at the worried boy laying on top of him. "i-i'm good."

seungmin let out a breath of relief and chuckled, gently hitting hyunjin on the chest. "for a soccer player, you're still clumsy, huh? guess things never change after all." whispering the last bit as he stood up off of the boy, he extended a hand towards him to which hyunjin gladly took. the latter finally let his feet plant back on the ground, mindlessly glancing at their loosely intertwined fingers. seungmin's hands were soft as always, hyunjin noted, even if four years had passed without physical contact. they fit perfectly in his own, almost as if it was guilting and taunting hyunjin to remorse. the thought quickly disappeared as seungmin cleared his throat and released his own hand to continue with the task he originally meant to complete.

with caution, hyunjin turned back and scooped up the recycling bin to toss the remains where the rest of the trash was held. 

 

 

 

 

"you know if you don't watch where you're going, the ball will end up kicking you." seungmin huffed, running his hands through his messy bangs.

"oh c'mon, i'm not  _that_ clumsy!" hyunjin pouted, tugging onto seungmin's arm as he pleaded seungmin to take the indirect insult back.

"yeah yeah, whatever. c'mon, if you leave the cut out for too long, it'll get infected." seungmin dragged the elder into the bathroom connected to his bedroom to aid the gash on hyunjin's knee.

it was the first year of high school, and it was an understatement to say the two boys got closer. seungmin and hyunjin were practically glued to the hip, always seen with each other, never without. the repeated calls of,  _"jinnie!"_ and  _"minnie!"_ filled the neighbourhood and brought joy to the neighbours watching them play around on the sidewalks. of course felix and jisung were always right by their side, but hyunjin felt as if he had a slightly stronger connection to seungmin, not knowing exactly what it was.

when hyunjin stumbled onto seungmin's porch, the latter closely behind him, they erupted in giggles as they couldn't believe the turn of events. now, hyunjin sat atop the bathroom counter, seungmin beside him, dabbing a water soaked rag onto the cut with inexperience. "you're so stupid," he giggled, no harsh intent behind the words. "you jump at every single thing."

"if you didn't surprise me then i wouldn't have tripped over the ball!"

"i didn't surprise you! i said hi, smiled and you screamed and fell! what part of that was a surprise?"

hyunjin pouted for the fifth time that day and crossed his arms. with a slight smile still presented on seungmin's face, he ripped open the bandaid box, ignoring hyunjin's protests, "i don't want apeach bandaids! choose something else, will you? we're too old for that."

"no we aren't, you'll look cute! here, i'll even wear one so you won't be lonely." after placing the large apeach bandage on the wound, he hopped up onto the table and placed his leg over hyunjin's thighs, slightly bending his knees. tearing off the paper backing of the bandaid, he peeled it off and stuck it onto his bare, spotless knee. "look at that! we're twinning now."

a slight blush tinted hyunjin's cheeks before leaning into seungmin's shoulder. "i'm still not forgiving you." he mumbled.

"mmm you'll come around."

obviously, hyunjin did come around as seungmin expected because 1. hyunjin could never be mad at seungmin and 2. seungmin's mom found them cuddled up in the boy's bed, knees brushing against one another with soft snores filling the room.

 

 

 

 

after dumping the sticky and crumb filled boxes and cups into their respective bins, hyunjin went to the washroom to wash the stench off his hands. upon entering back into the kitchen, he found the counter and tabletops to be spotless and the dishes racked up or in the dishwasher that was now running, seeming as if there wasn't a party to begin with. "wow you...get things done quick."

"yeah well, i clean quicker when i'm nervous."

"you're nervous?"

"what? no, who said that? not me." slightly flustered, seungmin scoffed and crossed his arms, awkwardly standing on the opposite side of the counter. hyunjin let out a chuckle, smiling softly at the boy, now patting his cheeks.

he rested his hands on the tabletop behind him, discreetly admiring seungmin.

it had been years since hyunjin could openly stare at him, analyzing his features. seungmin hadn't really changed, but he sure had matured. his cheeks weren't as chubby as he remembered and was slightly taller than hyunjin himself, yet he remained to be ethereal as always.

under the soft orange glow of the dangling kitchen lights mixed with the pink and blue strobe lights still whirling, hyunjin thought- no, he  _knew_ seungmin still held the title of being the most beautiful being he had ever laid his eyes on.

"hwang, you're staring."

hyunjin snapped out of his daze to find seungmin raising an eyebrow at him. "i- sorry, got distracted." lame excuse, but not a complete lie, hyunjin knew, but in the moment he couldn't put words together as his thoughts were bouncing off the walls.

he noticed how seungmin called him hwang, wondering if he thought they were so distant that they weren't even on first name basis. though his mind continued to race, the song emitting through the speakers instantly alerted both hyunjin and even seungmin. the two boys immediately caught each other's eyes, desire underlying the eyes filled with hesitation.

as a meek whisper, hyunjin managed to ask, "dance with me?"

 

 

 

 

when the teacher announced the arrival of their new program being hosted at their school, the second year high school students either groaned with disgust or flushed with excitement because  _i'm gonna have to touch their hands? hold them?!_

a trial of a ballroom dancing program and competition was introduced to the students, testing if it benefit the school in terms of money, popularity and title. days passed after the news dropped and the excitement still bubbled within the students. hyunjin glanced across the room to find seungmin fiddling with his fingers to which hyunjin let out a small chuckle, knowing the many girls that would  _die_ to have just one dance with other boy.

he chattered among his group mates as his teacher prepared the list of partners he planned to have as a rough draft. if things went well, he'd keep the partners for the rest of the time being. with anxious squeaks and jittery hands, the students awaited the results. it seemed as if hyunjin was the only one that realized the boys outnumbered the girls by a few, meaning some would either have to sit out or be partnered together, but he didn't pay much mind to it.

his teacher stood up and smiled brightly before beginning to call out names and pairs. most were blushing, some were rolling their eyes, but nevertheless, curiosity still overruled. as he went down the list, hyunjin's name continuously failed to be called and his nervousness started building up. as the list neared the end, his teacher looked up to glance around the room.

"and due to the unequal ratio of girls and boys in the class, there'll be a pair with two males. hwang hyunjin and kim seungmin, i'm sure you two will be comfortable with each other, yes?"

with furious pink cheeks and shy smiles, both boys nodded and looked down at their desk. they were best friends, they've hugged and even kissed each other on the cheek a million times, but somehow this felt different. maybe it was because they were forced to do it and it didn't come naturally like their regular skinship, hyunjin liked to think.

within another couple of days, the class started learning a few types of ballroom dances. in betweensweaty palms and broken eye contact, hyunjin and seungmin stumbled and laughed loudly at their failure of coordination. their peers joked that they were so alike they both had two left feet. eventually, they picked up the dances and put all their effort into practicing for the small competition, yet something felt off.

"we can't find the beat, it's like we're always one step behind which makes us have to do another step quickly to make up for it. do you know what we could do?"

seungmin laid back onto his bed and shrugged. "we could try other songs and maybe it'll help."

"no day6." hyunjin smiled tiredly, falling down onto the desk chair beside the boy now spread out on the covers.

"but why? they have perfect songs for dancing!"

"no cause all you'll be thinking of is the song itself and not the moves." seungmin pouted in response before grabbing his phone and shuffling through his downloaded music. their song finding hunt turned into a three hour break as they brought chips up to the room and started snacking, still suggesting tunes.

hyunjin hummed to himself before lazily recommending a song. "there's this song called easily by-"

"bruno major!" seungmin finished, gasping in surprise.

"y-yeah how'd you know?"

"i was  _just_ scrolling through his album! play it, i'm sure it'll work." hyunjin pressed play on his phone before cranking the volume to the max. he wiped his palms on his jeans before nervously smiling at seungmin. "what, are you constipated? we've done this plenty of times in the past, stop looking so nervous." he bit, interlocking their hands together.

hyunjin blushed, shyly placing one of his hands on seungmin's back as he felt a small hand fall on his shoulder. they adjusted their position, silently trying to calm their racing heartbeats and sweaty palms. by then they were already a minute into the song, so the latter smiled when they made eye contact and counted them in.

_don't you tell me it wasn't meant to be._

they giggled softly, trying to match the beat without stepping on each other's feet. hyunjin couldn't help but crack a smile hearing the faint whisper of  _one two three four, five six seven eight_ repeat over and over under seungmin's breath.

_call it quits. call it destiny._

the clumsy boys tried their best to maneuver around the bedroom furniture trapping them in their small makeshift dance floor. they stepped and leant in many directions before hyunjin began twirling the younger boy, adoration grazing their features. as the song came to an end, the two boys stuck their landing and ended with the same stance as their starting position.

the two boys caught eyes before bursting into a fit of laughter, resulting into a giggling mess of limbs scattered on the floor.

"god we better win that competition."

(spoiler: they didn't win, but they won the award for best timing and precision award, so at least their work payed off.)

 

 

 

 

hyunjin never realized how desperately he craved seungmin's touch. as his hands gingerly gripped seungmin's hips he felt the cold hands encircled around his neck, ever so often adjusting the position.

both boys didn't have the courage to look at each other, therefore hanging their heads low or mindlessly glancing around the room. they swayed comfortably to the soft beat floating out of the speakers, admiring the after party peace. looking anywhere but seungmin's eyes, hyunjin slightly straightened to see past his head, before noticing a sparkle in his hair. he discreetly extended his neck to see atop of the boy's head, cursing the fact that they were the same height. as if seungmin could hear his thoughts, he mindlessly tilted his head lower, slightly inching towards hyunjin.

glitter.

specks of purple, pink and blue glitter were sitting in the strands of seungmin's hair in the most casual way, attracting the attention of the ones who focused. hyunjin gulped as he watched the glitter glisten underneath the lights with every tilt of his head.

mesmerizing was an understatement. now, hyunjin wasn't the  _bare minimum_ type of guy, but something about the stupid glitter in seungmin's stupidly cute tousled hair made him almost let out a small embarrassing squeal. when the latter peered up to look at the elder, hyunjin turned his head and faked his stare into the distance. "you're not slick, you know." seungmin chuckled under his breath.

paling, hyunjin pulled an awkward smile, letting out a few breaths of laughter back. "i cant help it. you look- g-good."  _not just good, my god you look amazing, enchanting, absolutely breathtaking and i-_

"shut up, hwang. and stop staring, it's weird." despite his demands, hyunjin felt seungmin's hands curl tighter together behind his neck, pulling him closer.

"i'm not staring! i-it's so sparkly it's like something practically blinding me!"

"stop being so dramatic!" seungmin huffed with a smile lingering behind his words. "felix accidentally tripped while bringing jisung the glitter from his basement, and it went all over me. it was too late to shower, so i just left whatever we couldn't shake out."

hyunjin watched as seungmin tug at his hair, aware of the sparkly dust left in the strands. despite his playful complaints, he smiled brightly. "it's cute, i like it."

"it's not cute."

"it is."

hyunjin met eyes with the surprised boy, who repeatedly opened and closed his mouth to say things that couldn't be processed. as seungmin pulled away in embarrassment, hyunjin desperately tried to reach out for more, but the former already had his back turned. "i should, um, clean the decorations up."

"seung-"

"you can help if you want, it'll get the job done quicker." he shakily smiled, already exiting the living room to clean god knows what.

hyunjin stared at his hands frozenly stretched out in front of him before flipping them over to clutch his fists into balls. shoulders sagging, hyunjin sighed deeply, wondering how moments that just felt  _so right_ could instantly turn for the worse.

he stalked over to the dining room to be faced with seungmin tearing down decorations from the wall, mumbling incoherent words under his breath.

"hey...hey seungmin, don't you wanna take a break or something?"

to his dismay, it was as if seungmin's murmurs blocked out the noise around him keeping him from hearing hyunjin's calls of worry. the latter stepped closer, placing a hand on the bag to lower it slightly. "what are you doing?" seungmin harshly whispered, tugging it back to his side and placing a firmer grip onto the handles.

"c'mon, you're in no rush-"

"no rush? this isn't gonna clean up itself." seungmin protested, not daring to find hyunjin's eyes pouring with worry. when hyunjin reached out to place his arms on his shoulders, it was the final straw. seungmin pushed himself out of hyunjin's arms, eyes wide with uncertainty.

"can you just- just stop!"

"i- what? you're the one going ignoring me and distracting yourself with this mess i know you don't have to clean up! so what am  _i_ doing? please enlighten me!"

seungmin huffed, rubbing his eyes with his balled up sleeves. "not only are  _you_ the one that's distracting me, but all you're doing is holding me and looking at me as if nothing happened. just stop and- and i don't know, take down the stupid decorations like i asked you to!" he rushed out the demands, once again turning his back to hyunjin, angrily stuffing the multicoloured party streamers and shaped papers in one pile.

for a few moments hyunjin stood in silence processing what the other just yelled. he gulped nervously, cautiously stepping forward and placing his hands on seungmin's shaky ones, halting him and his actions. however, seungmin pushed them off, continuing to rip down the decorations and stuff them into the heap. hyunjin grew anxious, attempt getting desperate as seconds ticked. "okay i'm sorry, please just-"

"leave me alone."

"i'm just trying to help-"

"you're not helping, just go away."

"please, can we just talk?"

"you had all the time in the world to talk."

"minnie, minnie, please-"

"don't fucking call me that!"

hyunjin flinched at the tone, slightly stepping back, hands retreating. seungmin inhaled shakily before knocking all the papers to the floor, some unraveling and rolling off. "god, look what happened because of you." his voice quivered as he began bending down to retrieve the decor. hyunjin gently placed a hand on his arm. "leave me alone, look at what you did-"

"seungmin, listen-"

"no, now i need to clean everything up and-"

" _seungmin_!"

hyunjin placed his hands on the said boy's shoulders, tired of their back and forth protests. he took a deep breath, attempting to catch seungmin's teary eyes. "look at me, okay? it's okay, it's just paper. you've done great, just focus on me, please."

as seungmin clutched his fists into tiny balls, he lost the effort to fight back and peered up to meet hyunjin's reassuring gaze.

 

 

 

 

it was their second year of high school when the comfort and laughter drifted into the distance.

the four boys stuck together throughout the first year of high school, and half way through their second year, continuing their same old routines. sleep over on saturday's, occasional video games on friday, study sessions on wednesday's.

on one wednesday night, hyunjin looked up at his three friends and tilted his head in ponder, "i think i might join the soccer team." he mumbled in uncertainty.

jisung perked up, immediately closing his textbook (as if he was studying to begin with). "minho's on the soccer team!"

"minho? lee minho?"

"yeah, the attractive one in year 12? he's center mid-fielder. god what a beauty. sometimes he takes off his shirt during practice and i just wanna pin him down onto the grass and g-"

"and that's enough for today! at this rate jisung's gonna get pregnant at sixteen instead of felix."

"i told you it's not possible."

"shut up, min, not everyone likes a debby downer."

hyunjin chuckled before straightening his shoulders and sighing confidently. "tryouts are on friday, i think i'm gonna do it."

felix hollered as he jumped up in excitement, papers flying and pencils dropping. "girls are  _really_ gonna fall for you even harder! the jock vibe you're gonna have added onto the power you already have now? man, i'd fall for you if i was a girl!"

hyunjin rolled his eyes. "shut up loser, are you guys still gonna be at lix's house for games? i'll come over when it's done and tell you how it went."

"of course we'll be, who do you think we are?"

the four boys laughed, wordlessly agreeing to a break in studying. after a few moments of silence, seungmin murmured, "i might wanna join the choir."

"oooohhhh min min likes singing!" jisung teased, tackling seungmin with jabs at his side.

"fuck off jisung," he replied between fits of laughter, "i swear to god i'll beat you up!"

"yeah right, like you have the strength to do that."

felix and hyunjin watched as the two playfully fight, big smiles perched on their lips, as the anxiousness forming in hyunjin's stomach seemed to ease.

the following days few blew by their heads and before they knew it, hyunjin was squealing into the couch pillow as felix threw a red shell at a bot.

"and he said, and i quote, 'can we just put him on the team and make him start practice tomorrow??'" hyunjin kicked his legs up and giggled for the nth time that night.

"they already wanted you on the team?"

"YES! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? oh my god this is dream come true! i thought i wouldn't have made it at all!"

felix scoffed from his position on the floor, "oh shut up mr.i'm good at everything, you knew you would've gotten in."

hyunjin huffed and wrapped his arms around seungmin's middle. he glanced up at the proud boy and smiled brightly, "i'm so happy, minnie. we both got into the stuff we wanted! man, we're gonna be like a power couple or something!"

seungmin spluttered at  _the C word_ , covering it up with a small laugh, "oh yeah, definitely. nothing's gonna stop us." he exclaimed, running his hands through hyunjin's hair.

the night ended with cheers of victory and pinky promises, unknowingly realizing things changed from then on.

it was until around the middle of their second semester everything seemed fine. from there, hyunjin was swarmed with practices and desperate attempts to save his failing grades and all seungmin, jisung, and felix could do were cheer him on during games and tutor him whenever he was free. they knew he didn't mean no harm when he skipped out on sleepovers cause of fatigue, or video games for extra practice, but something deep down didn't seem to quite feel right.

so when the  _let's just have another sleepover!_ on sunday nights turned into  _you didn't even come last week, and you're skipping this time too?_ on saturday nights, seungmin told himself he really shouldn't be surprised.

they watched at hyunjin slowly itch away from them, starting from the excuse of helping his family out with things until he flat out admitted he already made plans with his group. it didn't affect the three other boys that hard, yet they still felt as if they wanted some closure unlike being left behind without reason.

one day when seungmin spotted hyunjin laughing with his friends, he casually strolled over to the group and reminded him of tonight's get together, anticipating what the boy would reply with. hyunjin looked around at his friends who stared back at him with confusion. "uh about that, um, sorry, i'm busy and-"

interrupting hyunjin's poor attempt at an excuse, seungmin emptily sighed. "of course you are, you always are. i don't even know why i still try." he trailed off towards the end of his words, already turning around and heading past the school gates.

the group stood in silence, but after one of his friends started mumbling amongst themselves over the newcomer, hyunjin started chasing after seungmin, ignoring the yells and questions behind him.

"seungmin!" he scoffed, running to face him. when he caught up to block him from walking forward, seungmin rolled his eyes and sighed.

"thought you were busy."

"i- i just wanted to ask you what you meant."

"what i meant? you mean the dinner we had planned?"

"no i- when you said you didn't know why you kept trying."

at this, seungmin's raised an eyebrow in surprise. "for the past, i don't know, how long? weeks? month? you've been ignoring us and cancelling plans last minute, why are  _you_  asking  _me_  why i don't try anymore? i don't try because i know you don't give a shit about us, hyunjin. i'm tired of thinking you'll actually come for once and remind us that you still care."

"what- and you're blaming me? i'm sorry for being able to find new friends!"

"it's not just about finding new friends! do you not think jisung, felix and i met new people too?" seungmin shakily sighed in exhaustion, "the thing is, you don't understand the difference between that and ditching your old ones for them."

hyunjin glared at the boy in front of him, stepping forward. "just because we spent a few years together as close friends doesn't mean i'm instantly obligated to be buddy-buddy with you forever. i lost interest and i found people who i actually like. myou really thought we would've been friends throughout high school, didn't you? seungmin, we're on the opposite sides of the stick, we don't work together as easily as we used to, just face it."

seungmin's shoulder's sagged in defeat, knowing he was right, yet his breaths still remained angry and uneven. he didn't own hyunjin, nor could he control what he was feeling, so why was seungmin so attached to the thought of him leaving? he couldn't just stop him and tell him not to, he wasn't even his best friend anymore.

maybe it was the idea of the being popular that made hyunjin completely build a wall between him on the inside and on the out because something at the back of hyunjin's head told him to shut up and get back to his friends, but the louder voice boomed in his mind. "and besides, people have a high expectation of me, i have a reputation to hold."

seungmin laughed coldly. "a reputation? so you're going to throw away our friendship for some  _reputation_?"

"it's not throwing away, it's called moving on. you'll learn eventually."

before hyunjin let himself break down, he sent a reassuring gaze towards seungmin before turning away and walking off, unaware to the sad glisten in the latter's eyes.

 

 

 

 

staring at seungmin with a twinkle in his eyes made hyunjin realize that everything was the same, yet completely different. seungmin wasn't the boy with crooked glasses and awkward smiles, he wasn't the same seungmin hyunjin used to play with after school. he wasn't the seungmin he reluctantly left behind four years ago.

yet seungmin was still  _him_. same curious eyes and tousled hair, same pouty lips, same aura that made hyunjin want to stay.

"i miss you."

seungmin snapped up at the mumble of hyunjin's words. he hesitated with his response. "m-miss me?"

"yeah, i miss you," hyunjin paused and let out a breathless sigh, "a lot."

"you," he trailed off, trying to find the right words, "you  _can't._ you can't just- just  _miss_ me all of a sudden, not after years of completely ignoring me! and- and this? whatever the hell you think you're doing now, hugging me and calling me by my old nickname, whatever the hell that is, you can't just do that! do you really expect me to believe you when you're going to say you mean it? cause the joke is over, say sike or something, i don't know! just please. please leave me alone. i'm tired." seungmin finally caught his breath, panting as the last few words tumbled out of his mouth without air as he dragged himself out of hyunjin's arms.

hyunjin was at a lost for a reply. he should've expected the scoldings from his words, but for seungmin to pour every single emotion he had pent up for the past few years shocked him, having it being brought up earlier than he expected. before he could add his defence, he heard seungmin whisper something under his breath, barely audible.

"just go away, hyunjin. just turn around and say this was a mistake because i'm tired of thinking you'll actually stay."

hyunjin's head slowly lowered, slightly shaking. "seungmin, the only mistake i made was leaving you behind-"

"if you knew it was a mistake from the start, then why did it take you three years to do something about it?"

he froze, taken back at the words.

in the moment as the music faded into background noise, everything came flooding back to hyunjin, the emotions, memories, feelings, every single bit made hyunjin's desire for connection grow. it wasn't a common occurrence for him to think of seungmin on a daily basis, but he couldn't deny that the boy reappeared in his mind ever so often. so why did tonight feel so different? why did everything come crashing down right now? he couldn't muster up an answer, trying to find the something that'll calm the argument. hyunjin peered up to find seungmin's wide, glistening eyes staring back at him in desperateness.

maybe it was the feeling of his arms around hyunjin's neck, or hyunjin's around his waist when they danced. maybe it was the remembrance of them purely just being together, holding each other with tenderness. maybe it was everything at once, telling hyunjin that seungmin was  _here. talking_ to him,  _touching_ him, pouring all his  _feelings_  out to him.

"i'm so sorry," he choked up, watching seungmin's widened eyes go as quickly as it came. "i don't know i- i'm so sorry for leaving you and completely cutting you off. im not trying to make myself look like a pity party right now," he paused to laugh through his tears, "i just wanted to fit in and i thought leaving you guys would be the best way, but i-" hyunjin looked up, sharing a small, sad smile, "i realized i need you more than anything in this stupid world."

as he felt a body being pressed into his own, hands running through his hair, hyunjin began to cry harder, clutching onto seungmin's shirt as if time was running out.

 

 

 

 

hyunjin remembers staring at the stars as changbin ran his hands through his hair. it was late at night. saturday night. the two boys lied flat on their backs as they observed the endless sky.

it was quiet until changbin broke it with a barely audible whisper. "do you believe in soulmates?" he questioned, hand falling back to rest on his stomach.

hyunjin's breath hitched, letting his eyes wander before faint memories and visions of soft brown hair and eye smiles clouded his mind. he thought of hand holding and cheek kisses, dancing under the moonlight and running through the neighbourhood. he breathed lightly, cautious of the silent air. "i don't know, do you?"

out of the corner of his eye, the younger boy saw a faint smile on changbin's face. "i don't know either, but i think i'm in love with the wrong person. you know? like i just- i don't know. i feel like i'm missing my other half."

hyunjin nodded, crossing his arms over his chest, smirk lined on his lips. "i thought you were set to confess to that girl, you've been crushing on her for what, like three years? what changed all of a sudden?" after a moment of silence, changbin didn't laugh or answer, making hyunjin turn to face the boy in distress. "sorry i- did i say something or-"

"no, it's fine, it's just," changbin trailed off, fiddling his fingers, "it wasn't all of a sudden. i- i really  _was_ set on confessing to her, but ever since i met this guy i didn't know if i wanted to go through with it anymore."

"oh." hyunjin whispered, letting changbin know he was listening.

"yeah and- and it scares me cause wonder if i'm doing the wrong thing? wonder if fe- the boy isn't really what i was thinking? wonder if i was just mistaken the whole time and i missed my chance to confess to her?" he sat up, dropping his hands into his lap. "or wonder if i do confess and i get stuck in a relationship with someone i didn't want to be with the whole time."

hyunjin scooted closer to changbin, tugging on his arm to bring him back down. he wrapped his arms around the elder, leaning against his shoulder. "do you know if they like you back?"

"i hope so. he's so amazing, and- and so beautiful, god he's so beautiful. he's so caring and patient with me, his smile is so mesmerizing i can literally go on about him for hours."

hyunjin's eyebrows lifted in shock, lips curling up as he stared up at changbin. "i was talking about the two of them, not just him." changbin jerked his head towards the younger, eyed widening in realization. "you like him, don't you? binnie, you don't need to make a decision right away, you still have quite a few months till graduation."

"yeah, i guess so." he sighed, propping his head atop his interlocked hands behind him. "hey, have you ever heard of that love something set it free quote?" when hyunjin shook his head, changbin continued, "well it goes something like, if you love someone, let them go, if it was meant to be, they'll come back to you."

"cheesy."

"i know."

hyunjin let the words sink in, furrowing his eyebrows, wondering why the words didn't quite sit with him. he nudged closer to changbin's arms. before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out of his mouth. "but he still hasn't come back yet."

upon hearing the accidental statement, changbin squinted his eyes at the other boy, gawking in confusion. "what?"

"nothing!"

"no- wait, who hasn't come back yet? hyunjin wh- is there something you're not telling me? who's  _he?_ "

hyunjin cleared his throat when he noticed his slip up. "we should head home, it's late." he already lifting himself up onto his feet and let the stars dim around them without the two pairs of eyes focusing. he didn't want to answer any of changbin's questions, one being he didn't want to face the embarrassment and comments about him being hypocritical, and second being he absolutely did not want to admit he was still thinking of kim seungmin _._

the mention of someone loving you so much that they'll come back after you let them go automatically made his assumption that he'll never see him again. because he knew seungmin would never love him again. not after what hyunjin did to him.

breaking his thoughts, changbin tugged his shirt sleeve. "you can tell me, you know. i won't make fun of you."

the last part made hyunjin snort in amusement. "yeah, yeah i know, but maybe not now." with that, changbin dropped the subject and they walked in silence.

in complete honesty, there was nothing to really hide. their friendship broke off in the middle of the second year of high school, it was normal to find new friends, yet hyunjin couldn't help but to regret it till a point where it ate him up whenever it came back to haunt him.

hebroke the friendship. heleft his best friends behind. heleft the three other boys in the dust wondering what happened to the clumsy, shy boy they used to know. hyunjin was the one to overthink everything though he was the one that started it all. he had no right to feel guilty, everything that led to the pit of angst inside of him revolved around his choices that day. his stupid, immature, regretful choices.

he noticed changbin standing in front of him, hands delicately placed on both his shoulders. "hey, hyunjin, hey can you hear me? snap out of it dude, c'mon."

blinking once, twice, hyunjin peered up and met eyes with his worried friend. he looked around him, realizing he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, which was probably why the elder looked confused. changbin gave a light smile. "you okay? let's get you home to rest."

without another word, changbin looped an arm around hyunjin's to keep him steady before heading to their respective homes.

the days ever since that night of the talk felt different. he still didn't think about seungmin that often, but when he did it hit harder than he expected. when he thinks of seungmin the thoughts don't go away for a few hours, then they'd never show up for a few days, weeks even until it hits hard again. it became a constant cycle for hyunjin, and he didn't do anything to stop it.

 

 

 

 

if you were to tell hyunjin a year ago he'd get over his overwhelming thoughts by being held in the embrace of the problem, he would've laughed at you and called you crazy.

if you were to tell hyunjin as of now that his hands were clenched into the fabric that formed seungmin's shirt and the latter's fingers were raking through his hair softly, he would've curled up to the boy even closer and nod because he knew it was exactly what he needed.

"i'm not gonna forgive you just yet."

immediately at the words, hyunjin shook his head, short breaths of laughter escaping his mouth. "i don't care. god, i don't care at all, i just want you back in my life. i-i  _need_ you back. i swear, worst four years of my life-"

through hyunjin's glassy eyes, he watched as seungmin erupt in giggles, making his heart swell with admiration and comfort.  _this_ was what changbin was talking about.  _this- seungmin_ was his missing half.

"you're such a crybaby," seungmin joked, followed by another laugh.

"i'm not, i swear! i'm just- just glad to have you back."

"who said i wanted to be your friend again?" as a worried look flashed across hyunjin's face, he began tearing up again, letting go of seungmin's shirt. "i'm kidding! jeez, what's gotten into you?"

"i told you i missed you." hyunjin sniffled, fiddling with his hands placed back in his lap. seungmin held back a laugh as he took in hyunjin's disheveled look, eyes puffy and lips pouty before intertwining their fingers. adjusting their positions, seungmin shuffled over to sit beside hyunjin, resting his head on his shoulder.

"don't leave me again," seungmin whispered, "please."

the two boys huddled closer together as hyunjin wrapped an arm around seungmin's shoulder, pulling him closer. he squeezed seungmin's hand with tenderness. "never. i'll never leave ever again, trust me."

"hmm, good."

after a few silent pauses, seungmin spoke up again, "i loved you when we were in high school. just thought i'd let you know that."

"loved? what about now?"

"don't get ahead of yourself, hwang hyunjin."

"okay, what about like?"  hyunjin urged, now feeling giddy of the requited feelings.

"shut up before i make you clean up the rest of the mess."

"oh c'mon! you can't just say that and not do anything about it." he gulped before admitting, "i love you, kim seungmin."

"you haven't talked to me in years, how do you know if you even like me one bit?"

"i just know i want you to be my forever. i can- can like, feel it."

"you can. feel it."

"feel it. yes."

"clean up the mess, hyunjin."

"on it."   
  


hwang hyunjin didn't know much. moreover, he couldn't think straight because the sound of his heart pounding just  _wouldn't shut up!_ as he and seungmin laughed and talked and  _loved_. tying up the last of the streamer filled bag, hyunjin smiled at his accomplishment before turning back to engulf seungmin in his arms, resting his cheek against his.

he didn't understand soulmates. he didn't understand love. he didn't understand anything of, but the loud voice in his mind booming  _he's back. he's back. he's back!_ reassured him that everything was to be solved as time aged with them.

he quit attempting to grasp the understanding of concepts revolving around his admiration for certain boys with cherry hair and plump lips, because he was right here, right in hyunjin's arms, mumbling the lyrics to some song that apparently reminded him of them. he couldn't fathom that seungmin was  _actually_  back, he knows how hyunjin feels about him and he knows that they won't be stuck in the loop of uncertainty.

seungmin glanced up, chuckled softly. "jinnie, you're staring."

"yeah," hyunjin smiled at the sight of his chance at forever. "i know."


End file.
